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  • Writer's pictureChoosing Love

3 Ways to Reconcile

Updated: Jan 5

Overcoming conflict in marriage is hard. Sometimes we don’t know what to do to a

make amends when we’re wrong; other times, we struggle to forgive our spouse

when we’ve been hurt. Conflict is complicated and complex, and it can be very


Below we’re sharing three ways you can reconcile after a disagreement with your



It’s not easy to muster up the courage to say, “I was wrong.” But if you know you’re in

the wrong, it’s essential to admit it so that you and your spouse can move forward.

Refusing to admit a wrong and ask your husband or wife for forgiveness will do

serious damage to your relationship. Pride has no place in marriage; we can correct

our own mistakes by practicing humility and vulnerability.

There is a catch: when you apologize, you must be willing to say that you are sorry

without making excuses for unacceptable behavior or shifting any of the blame to

your spouse. Keep things simple; it’s best not to use any variation of, “I’m sorry I

upset you, but...”

Owning your mistakes and your wrongs is hard, and it can be a very painful process.

Take full responsibility for your own actions, and be honest with your spouse. It

might take some time for your relationship to heal if the conflict was very intense or

hurtful, but your willingness to be vulnerable and to own your mistakes will go a

long way toward reconciliation.


When you’ve had a disagreement (or even a misunderstanding)–especially a major

one–it’s very important that you clear the air in a loving way. This process will look

different for each couple, but it’s important for the two of you to come together

(when you are both calm) to discuss what has happened.

Speak the truth in love to each other, and strive to hear one another’s heart in spite

of the disagreement. Try to extend grace toward your spouse even if you strongly

disagree with their opinions or perceptions–and do not attempt to force them to see

your side of things.

It amazes us how many times we hear about couples who are deeply entrenched in

conflict because of misunderstandings and poor communication. That’s why it’s so

critical for you and your spouse to work together to create clarity and


When you’ve taken the time to communicate with one another–and, hopefully, to

reach an agreement–move forward together. Holding a grudge against your

spouse over past hurts will hinder your intimacy.


During or after a conflict, it’s easy to withdraw from one another and “lick your

wounds,” so to speak. But this is a time to draw closer, and to deepen your intimacy.

Building invisible walls and retreating to your respective corners won’t help you to

truly reconcile your relationship.

When you’ve had a fight, why not break the tension by doing something enjoyable

together? It can be anything you choose. Sometimes a change of pace is just what

we need to get past a major conflict.

Pick something positive that will help you feel closer as a couple, then do that

together. You’ll be amazed at the difference it will make!


Unresolved conflict can break a marriage (and unfortunately, it often does). Instead

of withdrawing, becoming bitter, or getting even, focus on finding positive and

constructive ways to restore your relationship. It’s vitally important that you and

your spouse do everything you can to maintain a strong marriage and enjoy lifelong


Provided by Dr. Les and Leslie Parrot

3 Ways To Reconcile
Download PDF • 490KB

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